Apologising involves letting go of our defences and allowing ourselves to be seen as imperfect. In doing this we give people the gift of being related to authentically.
And we’re recognizing ourselves as imperfect as well. We’re giving to ourselves the gift of self-awareness and integrity.
We’re not pretending to be someone else. The act of apology is also profoundly reconciling. Because we’ve let go of our defenses it allows the other person to forgive us. Together, apology and forgiveness are means of communication that bring ourselves and others together in a deep way – a way based on a recognition that we are who we are and not actors pretending.
Often we’ll avoid apologising because we think, deep down, that apology makes us look small, but actually apologizing shows that we are big enough to admit to being wrong. And it’s OK to apologize even when we haven’t meant to do anything wrong and sometimes even when someone has taken offense quite unreasonably.
When we say we are sorry it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re admitting that we’re at fault (although it can of course mean just that). The word “sorry” is closely related to the word “sorrow” although we rarely remember the connection. So “sorry” can instead mean that we are sorrowful that the other person is upset, even if they’ve completely misinterpreted what we said or did.
Apologising in these circumstances can open a door to reconciliation in a way that a defensive “that’s not what I meant” never can. Once the other person has accepted our apology there will be time to explain what we really said or meant or did.
Post a Comment