Apology can be a form of meditation in action. Apology is being honest with another person about something we’ve done to hurt or disappoint them. And actually, when we’re apologizing we’re also being honest with ourselves.
Have you noticed how often we rehearse lies and half-truths to ourselves? Ever done something like this? We’re on our way to meet someone and we left the house a little too late to get there on time. Plus, the traffic’s heavy, and so we find ourselves saying internally that we’re sorry we’re late but, boy, was that traffic bad. Recognize this?
Being untruthful, whether it’s an exaggeration, an omission, or a downright lie, happens because of fear, craving (we want to get something or we crave approval), or ill will. Being untruthful is bad for us in part because it reinforces the hold that these negative emotions have on us.
Back to that example from above, we often construct little alternative realities for ourselves to hide our failings. So when we apologise (honestly) to our friend for being late we’re not just telling them the truth, we’re also acknowledging to ourselves what the truth is. Some people construct such elaborate systems of alternative realities that they start to loose touch with reality all together.
Sometimes these attempts at self-justification take over our meditation practice so that over and over again we find ourselves drawn back to fantasy rather than sticking with our present-moment experience. One way to help let go of these repetitive cycles of painful fantasy is by apologising, and another is through sharing.
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